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Is Your Child Experiencing Culture Shock? (Part 1 of 2)

September 03, 2019
By Cara Friedline

Culture shock is a phase children experience as they adjust to a school setting. While each child’s transition to school is a bit different, there are a few common stages parents and educators can expect – Honeymoon, Culture Shock, Initial Adjustment, Holiday Blues, and Acceptance & Integration. While the “W Curve of School Adjustment”1 (see graphic) was developed from research done at the college level, preschool and young elementary-aged children follow the same general path.  

As you read the information below, think about what your child is currently experiencing and see if you can identify his/her current stage. Be aware that your child may move quickly from one stage to the next and many children experience the Holiday Blues stage several times before remaining in the last stage, Acceptance & Integration. (The Holiday Blues and Acceptance & Integration will be detailed in next week's news.)

Honeymoon is the happiest stage. As a parent, you have done all the research and chosen the school environment that most closely matches your family values and educational hopes and dreams. You expect your child’s experience to be as joyful as your own school experience or have chosen a program you envision will be vastly different from any negative experience you recall from childhood.  You can picture your child in the classroom, and you are invested in the idea of a Montessori education creating a self-starter with a natural love of learning. Parents and their children experience positive anticipation, and children are excited by the way their parents speak of the experience.

  • Your child feels excited, curious, and maybe a little apprehensive.
  • You feel the relief of making a choice, excited for what your child will learn, and happy anticipation of being a part of a new community.
  • Your child asks: What will it be like at my school? Will you be with me? Will I know anyone there?
  • You can help by talking to your child about all the things they will do - baking, learning letters or seeing the animals. Reassure your child that you will pick them up after playground time. Encourage them to make new friends.

Culture Shock begins about 2-3 weeks after school starts. Your child has begun to acclimate to a new routine and is making new friends. He/she discovers that school happens every day and that school routines and guidelines are somewhat different than those at home; being part of a community means they must share items and the adults’ attention. These realizations can sometimes lead to tears and protests about going to school which come as quite a shock to parents who recently saw their child doing fine.  Your child may also notice that their classmates’ food is different and that they have different rules or traditions in their homes. Seeing the world through someone else’s eyes aids children in decision-making and the development of empathy and understanding.  

  • Your child feels surprised and inquisitive and is full of questions, especially Why?   
  • You feel amazed at the depth of questions and observations, unsure how to explain some differences, and thrilled that your child is learning about differences in the world at such a young age.
  • Your child says: My teacher makes me clean my plate after snack. I have to put my work away before I choose another item. At home, I can use all the markers and I don’t have to share. My friend celebrates Hanukah and I don’t.  Why can’t my friend eat meat?
  • You can help by aligning expectations of independence at home with those in your child’s classroom, reading to your child about different cultures and countries, and learning as much about Montessori as possible through Parent Education evenings, class letters and books from Springmont’s Parent Library. Be open to answering your child’s Why? or How come? questions.

Initial Adjustment Once you and your child settle into a routine, you will both experience a calm and predictable separation. Your child knows what to expect at school and can count on your daily good-bye procedure. You know your child is safe and happy while you conduct the tasks of your day. Your child might even be providing some information about what he/she did all day, likely using some names of work that sound odd. 

  • Your child feels confident, content and reliant on routine.
  • You feel self-assured of your school decision, happy that your child is comfortable outside home, and interested in what your child is learning each day.
  • Your child says: I had fun with my new friend today. I had a lesson with my teacher on letters. Did you know that window is a rectangle? Mommy begins with “mmm”. 
  • You can help by asking lots of open-ended questions about school, looking for clues about what your child is learning such as new vocabulary, songs or poems. When your child asks to help, make sure they have the tools he/she needs to do the task successfully (i.e. a small broom, mop and sponge.) Look for opportunities, like park play dates, to connect with new friends outside of school.

This is a great time to learn more about Montessori - the more you know, the more conversations you can have with your child.  Make sure to RSVP for next week's Parent Education Evening!

1Zeller, W. J. and Mosier, R. (1993). Culture shock and the first-year experience Journal of College and University Student Housing 23(2).

Look for Part 2 - The Holiday Blues and Acceptance & Integration in next week's news. 

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